February Reflections

A brief summary of my February

Here's a song that matches my current mood.

Where... Where did February go?

My January started off strong: I was full of motivation and hope, a cat had strolled into my life, I started a longtime goal of baking, and I was healing my deep friendship trauma. Now I'm sitting on my cozy green chair as I type this, thinking, "What did I even do this month?"

If forced to pick a word describing my February, it would be "Autopilot." No, this is not a good thing. The word of the year I picked for myself was, "Discipline," and this is the exact opposite. So what happened?

A Creative Block

A life block, more like. I previously wrote about making big life changes, and with big life changes come shifts in priorities. Unfortunately, this means passion-fueled creative pursuits had to be put on the back burner. Fellow artists will understand when I say that having such a big hold like this slowly chips away at your creative soul.

In other news

• This month, I learned more songs on my uke and genuinely enjoyed music.

• My print shop is set up, finally! But I still have to market and launch it.

• Bonded more with the new kitty!

• Ate Filipino food for the first time in a while and cried inside. Nothing beats home cooked meals, though.

• I finally got a library card with my new city!

• Went on a soul-healing nature hike and discovered new birds. I brought my camera along and it felt like I was myself again.

• Some really good thrift finds! It's small, but it makes me happy.

• Been hitting the gym still! I really enjoy the grind, plus it's a great time to listen to audiobooks.

• Broke my nonfiction streak and picked back up on my fiction binge. Still finding a healthy balance of both.

Lessons I Learned in February

• The importance of achievable goals. I set some high goals and ended up fizzling out barely a week in. I would rather adjust my goals and tailor them to my current situation/abilities than make grand goals that are hard to get done. I'm merely taking this setback as a reminder to put the A - achievable in my S.M.A.R.T. goals.

• I just really love learning. More of a reflection and confirmation than a new lesson, but just learning different things in life excites me. It's nice to see the beauty in everything, and I know that not everyone has the same type of passion about the mundane every day things. Like, really mundane things.

• More mastery over breathing techniques. It's now almost second nature to start doing square breathing not only when stressed or overthinking, but also during idle moments. I first came across breathwork several years ago, and have been intentionally moving towards it this month. It helps my anxiety and overthinking.

• A deeper knowledge of emotional intelligence. I've been enjoying reading "Emotional Intelligence," by Daniel Goleman for the past month. Having been into self development for a long time, it's nice to dive deeper into specific areas. I immediately started applying those new learnings into my life; understanding how human emotions work goes a long way in making your life go by smoother. Another great related read is "The Social Animal," by David Brooks.

• Learned to give myself a little grace this month. I fell into quite a spiral or three throughout February, but a reminder from a friend helped me remember to give myself some grace.

• Friends might just actually forreal care about me as much as I (deeply) care about them. I've always felt that I feel everything deeply and that no one actually cares about me in the same way, but receiving handwritten letters from friends and feeling their care and support in a tangible manner made something click inside my brain. Recently, I realized that half of them have sent me paper butterflies, butterfly stickers, and beautiful handmade butterfly designs. It's no secret that I love the butterfly's symbolism for change and growth. The thought of my friends' butterflies traveling across the country to reach me was so poetic that it made me cry.
  I love my real friends, all of them, as they have positively changed my life. I hope they know it, too.

Spring is on the horizon!

I didn't hit most of my goals for February, but it's a new month and I'm still alive which means I can try again. February passed by quickly and left me in a sullen stupor, but my month still ended with a good mood.

Although I have missed two months' worth of creative endeavors, that doesn't mean I can't still create beautiful works this year. Honestly, I think a lot of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to create, give some kind of output, and extend ourselves in order to prove that we're worth something. Or maybe that's just me. In any case, it's never too late to create.

Thanks for reading!

See you again soon,